Pity Party, Table of One

Recently I've just been feeling...down.

I have all the reasons in the world NOT to. I have a fantastic husband, a nice house, a job (albeit part time), a great family, a (mostly) well-behaved adorable dog, and a couple very close friends.

The thing is, with this whole unemployment thing, I have a hard time being positive and happy.
It's silly, really. I have so much to be happy about and I just have such a hard time feeling it.

I go through these phases. For several weeks, I'm OK. The positive thinking thing is going well for me... it'll happen, be patient, C is supportive, he has a good, stable job, yadda yadda yadda.

WHAM! It hits. Down the hill I tumble. Different things trigger it. Thinking back, it's been a small memory of a plan. A regret from my education. A large plan foiled or postponed due to my lack of full time employment. This time though, it was something different. I realized I have a lack of a good support system of friends. I have a couple good, close friends, but I'm coming to realize that I have more "friends" than friends. Lately, I've helped several people out with various things. I know it's petty, but not a single one of them said thanks. Or seemed even remotely appreciative for the help.

That hurts. I feel used. Then I start thinking about my shortfalls as a friend. Am I that unappreciative of the things that people do for me? Do I take advantage of those few friendships I have? I'd like to think not. I hope not. I look back at my (relatively) short life so far and see that I haven't really ever had a lot of friends. A few close friends, a few "friends", but not a ton of them. I look around and see others who have a lot of friends and even "friends", which ends up being a good support system. I lack that support system. I feel like a lot of the people I'm surrounded with are just in different parts of their lives. They're moving on, having babies. While I used to find my self in a majority (those sans baby), now I'm one of the only ones without. Even if others don't have babies, they're trying to have one. We just can't do that right now. I wish we could, but I have to have a full time job first. It sucks that life is seemingly on hold because of the job situation. I wish I was able to move forward with life with them, not be the one left behind. I know, I know... there are others out there not having babies and in the same position I'm in, but for all of the people I know around here, friends from home, etc., that's just not the case. The baby fever doesn't go away.

For now, I guess I need to hold the support system that I do have close to me. They're going to be what gets me through this. The "friends" will come and go.