Pity Party, Table of One

Recently I've just been feeling...down.

I have all the reasons in the world NOT to. I have a fantastic husband, a nice house, a job (albeit part time), a great family, a (mostly) well-behaved adorable dog, and a couple very close friends.

The thing is, with this whole unemployment thing, I have a hard time being positive and happy.
It's silly, really. I have so much to be happy about and I just have such a hard time feeling it.

I go through these phases. For several weeks, I'm OK. The positive thinking thing is going well for me... it'll happen, be patient, C is supportive, he has a good, stable job, yadda yadda yadda.

WHAM! It hits. Down the hill I tumble. Different things trigger it. Thinking back, it's been a small memory of a plan. A regret from my education. A large plan foiled or postponed due to my lack of full time employment. This time though, it was something different. I realized I have a lack of a good support system of friends. I have a couple good, close friends, but I'm coming to realize that I have more "friends" than friends. Lately, I've helped several people out with various things. I know it's petty, but not a single one of them said thanks. Or seemed even remotely appreciative for the help.

That hurts. I feel used. Then I start thinking about my shortfalls as a friend. Am I that unappreciative of the things that people do for me? Do I take advantage of those few friendships I have? I'd like to think not. I hope not. I look back at my (relatively) short life so far and see that I haven't really ever had a lot of friends. A few close friends, a few "friends", but not a ton of them. I look around and see others who have a lot of friends and even "friends", which ends up being a good support system. I lack that support system. I feel like a lot of the people I'm surrounded with are just in different parts of their lives. They're moving on, having babies. While I used to find my self in a majority (those sans baby), now I'm one of the only ones without. Even if others don't have babies, they're trying to have one. We just can't do that right now. I wish we could, but I have to have a full time job first. It sucks that life is seemingly on hold because of the job situation. I wish I was able to move forward with life with them, not be the one left behind. I know, I know... there are others out there not having babies and in the same position I'm in, but for all of the people I know around here, friends from home, etc., that's just not the case. The baby fever doesn't go away.

For now, I guess I need to hold the support system that I do have close to me. They're going to be what gets me through this. The "friends" will come and go.

P90X Lean Day 45: Chest, Shoulders and Triceps and Ab Ripper X

WOW, I'm half way done! That's both scary and exciting.

I really had to drag myself out of bed this morning to get this workout in. C left for PA today to go visit a friend and kissed me goodbye at 4:30am; the alarm went off at 5am and I pressed snooze. It went off again... snooze. And again... snooze. Oops.

I decided that I'd get as far as I could before having to take Jackson out for some exercise before I had to leave to teach class. The one good thing about this workout is that you can fast forward through some of it since they provide ample time to do the push-ups. When you're like me and can't do 20+ push-ups, that adds up to a good bit of time.

I had originally fast forwarded through the one-handed push-ups today and then made myself go back when I noticed that the lady in the video had her hand out by her head to do these. I got down on my knees and went down pretty far with this method. Imagine that! I also did some of the plyo push-ups today getting a little bit of air, being very aware of how I'm landing so I don't hurt myself.

Not bad for not having a ton of motivation this morning... tonight I MUST do ARX. MUST.